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人生之钥-第6部分

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ver saw of her。 Proudly she told me of a solemn vow made to her husband on his deathbed twelve years before: that no man would ever see her beautiful face again。
  Equally faithful is a Western woman I know; who spends her life surrounded by photographs and mementoes of a long dead husband; mourning him as fervently as once she loved him; impervious to the approaches of any other man。
  Another widow with a young family remarried a man who won’t hear his predecessor’s name mentioned。 Anything that belonged to him has been dispensed with。 To the children he says: “That man is dead and gone。 I’m your father now。”
  And then there was the Connemara workman; chatting away whilst plastering my kitchen。 Having mentioned in passing that his wife had been left widowed with two little boys; he made the odd friendly reference to Jimmy; their dad。
  “You knew him?” I asked。 He shook his head。 “We never met。 But I have a feeling he’s still with us; somehow; looking down from afar。” Then; smiling; he went on: “And I say to him; don’t you worry; ’m here。 I’m looking after them for you。”
  I looked on; impressed; as he bent to refill his trowel。
  “She fell out of love with me;” sighs a man; apparently accepting this as a regrettable but perfectly valid reason for his partner in life to have abandoned him。 As if ‘being in love’; an emotional state as volatile as any mood; were a prerequisite to staying loyal。
  “He replaced me with a younger model;” sniffs a middle…aged wife; fighting off bitter memories of the passion experienced early on in her marriage; before the friction and trivia of everyday life wore it all away; revealing nothing but a vacuum underneath。
  The person who has no explanation to offer is one who had settled for a safe; rational union based on mental affinity and mutual interests; but came to see the other half suddenly; inconceivably; after years of congenial living; make a bid for freedom。
  It seems that neither emotions; physical attraction nor mon sense can be depended upon to keep a couple together。 So what does it take for two people to maintain a life…long devotion? Is it love – undying love? Is there such a thing? Or is that love a function of something else?
  At the end of the day; it may all e down to values。 A relationship is only as sound; and as lasting; as the values shared by the two individuals involved。
  

Love 爱(1)
在我短暂的演艺生涯中,曾在一个小巷子里的剧院演过一出晦涩难懂的戏。尽管疯狂演练了好几个礼拜,我的那个角色对我来讲仍然是个挑战。
  在公演后的第二天,我能从戏院里感觉到观众并没有多大反应。当时我觉得似乎自己的表演中缺少了什么,于是更加卖力地投入,但尽管如此,仍旧不见进步。
  可怕的事实往往只在幕间休息时闪现——台下的听众都跑光了。我苦恼至极。直到今天,我在回想起当初那种想倾诉自己的所有却无人倾听的感受时,仍旧感到脸红。
  在那次事件发生不久以后,我便退出了戏院。如果观众的回应对一个演员来讲是必不可少的,那么当演员对我来讲显然不是正确的选择。
  这让我想到了法国印象派画家雷阿诺,他日复一日、年复一年地做画。没有任何事情能够阻止他,没有任何挫折、贫穷或失败能够阻止他。他不停地画,不管别人的意见如何,他所沉醉的,仅仅是自己的创作过程。
  作为一个艺术家,如果付出仅仅是为了那一瞬间的回报,那么他所得到的结果,只能像那些为了得到某些东西而开始一段关系的人一样。这些人期望从各种关系中得到比如温暖、归属感、亲密、性、安全、金钱、地位或其他种种回报。一旦这些回报不能实现,付出便就此终结。
  爱就像是艺术,为了存活,它必须是真诚的,由它本身的需求所维系,而且永远不求赢得掌声。
  很多人都害怕作出承诺。我想,他们真正憎恶的,是必须要变得独立,把自己的控制权移交给他人。
  我不能明白的是为什么有些人想要控制别人,尤其是以爱的名义。如果你试图这样做,那么另外一个人除了抗拒、逃避或是欺骗你以外,恐怕没有任何其他选择。或者最坏的情况是,屈从于你的欲望,这样的话,他/她的个性必将枯竭,而你所得到的,只能是一个软体动物。
  支配欲的共生关系与其他任何相互依赖的关系一样,是爱的敌人。基于我们的欲望——这一人类最大的弱点——它让我们变得渺小而缺乏安全感。因为如果你指望别人来填补你内心的空虚,那么你内在的一部分必然会随着别人的死亡或离开而缺失。
  因此,如果你祈祷找到一个伴侣,就先培养自己的独立性吧,战胜你自己的需求,然后再尽情释放,你将收获最好的东西——你自己丰裕的心。
  请自由地奉献你的爱。有一天你会遇到另一个付出者,那时一切便会有其归属,没有任何约束。你们会准备好给出彼此最终的礼物:一生的承诺。
  琐事是灵魂的毒药。它会把你拖垮,挑战你神经的极限,让你分神。神经衰弱和与压力有关的疾病常常归因于那些最无意义的琐事带来的压力。
  对于爱情,没有什么折磨和考验能比每日平淡的家庭生活更有效的了。甚至在你还没有意识到的时候,对琐事无尽的关心会占据你的多半个视界。
  这就需要有些不寻常的事情,或者需要一些带有悲剧色彩的事情发生,才能让你意识到你将失去的是什么。
  当我的一个朋友没有任何前兆地逝去时,他留下了妻儿。这件事触动我为我的丈夫写下了下面的这些文字:
  我的爱人,当你死去那天,
  如果你先我而去,
  我会万分悲恸。
  这并非为你的离去,
  我再明白不过。
  那些不能改变的,
  我们必须选择去忍受,
  并优雅地接受。
  我为之悲恸的,
  哦,是那些曾经共同拥有却没有被我们珍惜的时刻——
  那些还未曾打开的礼物,
  那些被我们践踏的花蕊,
  那些永远逝去的庆祝的机会,
  那些被我们遗忘和失去的美好……
  哦,我的爱人,我将如何祭奠它们。
  很多年前,我的一个女朋友到伦敦拜访我,她当时情绪很激动。在我眼中,她一直是个麻烦缠身、被宿命和痛苦的想法折磨的、孤独而压抑的人。
  那天,我得知她去参加了一个降神会,在那里她似乎看到了一个男人。这个男人温柔地告诉她,自己是多么爱她,多么希望看到她开心,告诉她他会一直守护着她。
  “这个人是我父亲,”她满眼泪水地轻声说道,“我从来没有见过我的父亲,在我还是个婴儿的时候,他就在战场上被杀了。”
  我对她的话不禁产生了质疑,问道:“你真的相信有鬼神存在吗?”
  “谁知道呢?”她笑了笑,泰然自若地说道,“事实上,这让我感觉他就在那儿,尽管他离开了我,但是他的爱没有走,就在我的体内。我只是从来没意识到而已。”
  这个我认识的女人从此改变了。她充满光彩地在我的面前站起身,深深地确定她是值得爱的,也是被深爱着的。在这个全新的她的面前,将是一条充满鲜花的道路。
  那个时刻对我自己来说也是个转折点。跟她一样,我也有一位在我还是个婴儿时便去世的父亲。书 包 网 txt小说上传分享

Love 爱(2)
我的儿子有一只黑白相间的宠物兔子,它总是会给我们种种惊喜。它被训练得很乖,从不在房间里随地大小便。它爱玩一个小玩具,有时会在它自己篮子里的手柄上来回转悠。
  它喜欢看早间新闻,跟我们其他人一起坐在沙发上。偶尔用它的后爪碰碰遥控器,或是趁我不注意时在我的杯子里吸几口茶。
  这只小兔子简直就是我们生活的一部分,我们无法想象没有它的日子会怎样。
  两年后,它没能逃过“流感”,这是一种很少有兔子能躲过的灾疫。我当时给兽医打电话,医生也答应来了,赶来回60英里的路来救我们的小宠物。
  在等待的时候,我把它放在我的大腿上,想给它喂点水。它虚弱而平静地躺在我的身上,姿势看起来并不像往常那么自然。它把头舒适地倚在我的胳膊上,看了我一眼。那根本就不像是一只小兔子的眼神。
  后来,我意识到那是一种感谢,感谢我当时陪着它,感谢我对它的关心和爱。在那一刻,我突然有一种少有的感觉,那是最纯洁、毫无杂质的爱的形式:剥离了私欲的、仅仅作为一种神秘力量存在的爱。
  我感觉到这种爱从我的体内散发出去,像一把保护伞一样轻轻地把它包裹了起来,当它喘息着最后一口气的时候温柔地将它扶在我的手臂里。
  我永远也不会忘记那只小兔子和那种感觉,那是它以及任何生命可以给予的、对生命的启示。
  During a brief acting career; I appeared in an obscure play at a backstreet theatre。 My part was a real challenge; furiously rehearsed for weeks。
  On the second night after opening; I was aware of a strange lack of response from the house。 Believing there was something lacking in my performance I tried a little harder – and harder still。 No improvement。
  Only in the interval was the terrible truth revealed: There was no one in the audience。 I was mortified。 To this day I feel the blush on my cheek when I think of myself pouring my heart out – to no one。
  I quit acting soon after that。 It obviously wasn’t the right choice for me; if a response was so essential。
  By contrast think of an artist like Renoir; who went on producing pictures; day in day out; year after year; decade following decade。 Nothing ever stopped him; no amount of discouragement; poverty or failure。 He painted away; regardless of people’s opinions; in pure delight at his own creativity。
  To be an artist merely for the return it may bring is as doomed as entering a relationship only for what you hope to get out of it: warmth; togetherness; intimacy; sex; security; money; status or whatever: The minute the reward is not forthing; it all es to an end。
  Love is like art: to survive it has to be genuine; sustained by its own imperative; and never requiring an applause。
  A lot of people have a fear of mitment。 I suppose what they really abhor is being dependent; handing over control。 I can relate to that。
  What I can’t understand is why anyone should want to control another; especially in the name of love。 For if you attempt it; it leaves the other person with no option but to resist; evade or deceive you; or; worst of all; succumb to your will; in which case their personality expires; and you are stuck with what? A mollusc。
  The symbiosis of domination; like any mutual dependence; is the enemy of love。 Based on want; our greatest weakness; it makes us stunted; insecure。 For if you rely on each other to fill the vacuum inside you; one of you is always bound to lose; as the other one dies; or simply moves on。
  So – if you wish to find a partner; foster your independence; over…e your needs。 Thus released; you’ll have the best to offer: your own affluent heart。
  Give freely of your love。 One day you’ll e across another giver; and then it will all fall into place; without any restrictions。 You’ll both be ready for the ultimate gift: that of mitment。 电子书 分享网站

Love 爱(3)
Trivia is poison for the soul。 It wears you down; grates on your nerves; drives you to distraction。 Mental breakdowns and stress…related illness are often due to pressures of the most meaningless kind。
  As for romance; few antidotes are as effective as the trials and tribulations of normal; everyday family life。 Before you know it; endless concerns of little or no significance take up your entire field of vision。
  It takes something extraordinary; perhaps a brush with tragedy; to make you realize what you stand to lose。
  When a friend of ours died unexpectedly; leaving behind a wife and a young child; I wrote the following lines to my husband:
  My love; when you die –
  if you die before me –
  I shall grieve。
  Not for your passing;
  I know better than that。
  What can’t be altered
  must be borne
  and gracefully accepted。
  But I shall grieve –
  oh how I shall grieve
  for each moment of our life together
  that we had and did not treasure:
  precious gifts left unopened;
  blossoms trampled underfoot。
  Celebrations
  lost forever。
  Sacrificed。
  Waylaid。
  Oh my love; how I shall mourn them。
  Many years ago in London; I was visited by a girl…friend in a highly emotional state。 I was used to seeing her troubled; plagued by doomed or thwarted expectations; often lonely and depressed。
  It transpired that she’d been to a seance。 A male voice had sought her out; telling her; tenderly; how much he loved her; how he wished to see her happy; and how he was always watching over her。
  “It was my father;” she whispered tearfully。 “The father I never knew。 He was killed in the war; when I was a baby。”
  I reacted with a certain scepticism: “Do you really believe there’s such a thing as spirits?”
  “Who knows?” she smiled; unperturbed。 “The thing is; it made me realise that he would have felt just like that。 And; although he’s gone; I still have his love。 It is contained within me。 I just wasn’t aware of it before。”
  The woman I knew had been transformed。 She stood before me radiant; secure in the knowledge that she was lovable and loved。 Looking at her; I could tell that the person she had suddenly bee had a rosy future ahead of her。
  That moment was a turning…point for me; too。 For; just like her; I had a father who died when I was a baby。
  My son used to have a black…and…white pet rabbit who amazed us all。 He was fully house…trained; answered to his name; he played with dinky toys and went cycling in a basket on the handle…bars。
  He liked watching the early evening news; sitting on the sofa with the rest of us; occasionally operating the remote control with his hind paw; or sipping tea from my mug when I wasn’t looking。
  The rabbit was so much part of our life; we couldn’t imagine it without him scuttling around the house。
  After two years he was struck down with “flu”。 The nasty kind that few rabbits survive。 I rang the vet; who promised to e: a sixty mile round…trip for our precious pet。
  While waiting; I took the rabbit on my lap to try and syringe some water into him。 Weak; but peaceful; he lay on his side in what seemed an unnatural position。 He placed his head fortably on my arm and gave me a curious glance: not like a rabbit at all。
  Later I realized it was an acknowledgement: of my presence; my care; and my love for him。 For at that moment I had a rare sensation of love in its purest; most unadulterated form: love stripped of all self…interest; existing only as a mystic force。
  I felt it reaching out from me; enveloping the tiny body on my lap like a protective mantle; holding him as gently as my arms; while he breathed his last。
  I shall never forget the rabbit or the feeling he; like any living thing; was able to inspire。
  

Motherhood 母性(1)
春天,当我们的第一只小羊羔降生的时候,我来到羊圈旁,看着母羊呵护着她的孩子:她温柔地舔着湿湿的小羊,轻声地对它耳语。
  那时,我对自己说:这是多么基本的母性本能啊。当一个母亲并不难,你所做的只是跟着你的天性走就可以了。不需要精心设计,也无须拥有平衡的判断力或是作出什么艰难的抉择,只要像其他人一样就可以了。
  然而不久以后,当你的小心肝给你白眼并对你说“不”的时候,当她把你为她准备的营养食物吐出来的时候,当她跺着小脚说她讨厌你的时候,母性呈现出了它的另外一面。
  如果你是只母羊,那么此时,你或许决定这是该断奶的时候了,你会转身去悠闲地嚼着草地上的青草而不去理会她,反而轻松于没有谁会再拽着你的奶头不放了。
  当然,我们,是不会这样做的。我们的孩子需要我们,而且会继续需要下去。
  一直这样爱着她们,可以说是一种挑战。但是也正使我们从她们身上学到:耐心、换位思考和忍耐。
  做一个母亲不再是件容易的事情。但却是值得的。
  我曾有一次深陷飞机的紧急事故中,在企图紧急降落之前,我们必须在空中再飞一个小时以把多余的燃料耗光。
  这是非常漫长的一个小时。我身边的一个陌生人握着我的手说,他的整个生命正在他眼前闪过。
  我自己的心里,则经历着更恐怖的体验,我在想象着自己的葬礼,想着那个小棺材能不能盛下我的身体。
  这时,另一个想法闯了进来,一个我下意识在努力压制的苦闷的想法——我想到了我那刚学会走路的孩子,想象着他早上来到我们的床前,钻进妈妈的被子里等待开启一天的第一个拥抱。
  我看着他每天走进这个房间,我的床上却是空的,他再也无法感受到被妈妈手臂包围的感觉。
  就在那时,我突然意识到了父母之爱的可怕之处:它让我们被生活紧紧锁铐着,像是被勒索了一样不能自救,这甚至让我们都无法优雅而无心碎地死去。
  从那天开始,我对自己只有一个祈祷:我要让自己活到我的孩子没有我也能好好生活的那一天。
  我的独子刚刚开始他寄宿学校的生活。没有他在家,屋子里空荡荡的。是他自己提出要去寄宿学校的,他的父亲也支持他这么做。
  我反对过,用理智和非理智的手段反抗。最终,我质问丈夫为什么要让儿子去寄宿学校。“因为我相信他会因此受益。”这就是他直接的回答。
  在此后的无眠之夜里,我必须承认他是对的。黎明前我接受了这点,不管我自己的感情怎样,我没有权利去阻挡孩子发展的道路。
  我记起了我的母亲在我要离开家到另外一个国家学习时,所写下的诗句:
  当你出生时,
  我对自己说,
  我已远离孤独。
  我没有意识到,
  这个倚在我臂弯的婴儿,
  只是借来的。
  是要我来照顾,
  而后要完好地交到另一个生命的手中。
  此后,她的生命,
  我只能从远处分享。
  “有些东西只有母亲才会爱。”这句成语总是让我们联想起那些在别人眼中不起眼甚至是厌恶,而在母亲眼中却是宝贝的小混混、小流氓一般的少年。
  它道出了,母爱是盲目的,不管对什么样的孩子,不管丑陋还是缺陷。在现实中,这也有另一种解释:母爱是极具洞察力的。
  当一个母亲看着她的孩子的时候,她看到的不仅仅是孩子的现在,也看到了他们未来可能成为的样子。在她的眼里,潜力超越了局限。
  她觉察到了孩子内在最好的东西,尽管这些特征可能尚不明显。她的解读方式是善意的,容得下失误,对于不确定的事情永远不骤然否定。对于人性的判断,可以说她们通常是正确的。
  倘若她懂得温暖和无私的情感,一个母亲会在任何时候爱她的孩子,在最坏的情况下也恒久不变。
  当一个孩子故意做了在别人看来不值得原谅的错事的时候,他的妈妈仍旧会充满愧疚地继续爱他。爱那个过去的他,也爱那个原本可以更好的他。
  我母亲在她70岁的时候,在一次交通事故中伤得很重。我接到通知,得知母亲正处在生死边缘,而且她的双腿都要被切除。
  “可怜的女人。”我的一个好心的邻居说道,“死或许都比这样要好。”
  在母亲接受最后一个手术之前,她还能对我说话。“我不知道我在为何而挣扎。”她说,“就算我活过来了,我还能在生命中指望得到什么呢?”
  “这要由你来决定,”我回答说,“只有你知道在轮椅上的生活是否值得过。”
  她想了想,说道:“我最在意的是我的孩子,看着你长大,看着你成长,当你需要我的时候有我在你的身边。”
  她活了下来,而且恢复了。许多年以后的今天,她独自一个人在一个公寓里生活,每天重复着生活。奇怪的是,她比以前更开心了,正在享受晚年。。 最好的txt下载网

Motherhood 母性(2)
拥有着她的新朋友们和她自己的爱好,她没有依赖任何人,她的生命现在是她自己的。
  但是时不时地,她也会想起那个危急的时刻,那一刻,身为母亲的爱让一切变得不同。
  In springtime; when our first lambs arrive; I go out to the sheep…pen to watch the ewes; see them nursing their young; tenderly; contentedly; licking the wet coats; bleating reassuringly。
  And I say to myself; how basic the maternal instinct is。 Being a mother is easy; all you have to do is follow your nature。 No call for careful planning; balanced judgements; knife…edge decisions; like everywhere else in life。
  Before long; however; motherhood takes on another aspect: When your treasure turns her innocent gaze upon you and says ‘no’; spits out the nourishing good food you have prepared for her; stamps her little foot and announces that she hates you。
  If you were a sheep; this is when you’d decide that time has e for weaning; turn your back on the offspring and enjoy chewing your grass in peace; without someone tugging at your udder。
  We; of course; can’t do that。 Our children need us and will continue to do so; long after the maternal bond starts to give。
  To love them just as much can be a challenge。 But this is where we start to learn from our young: lessons of patience; empathy and forbearance。
  Being a mother is no longer easy。 But it does bring its own rewards。
  Once I found myself in an air emergency。 Before attempting to crash…land; we had to spend an hour circling to burn up excess fuel。
  It was a very long hour。 The stranger in the seat next to me held my hand and told me his whole life was passing before him。
  My own mind was following a more morbid course; picturing my funeral; pondering whether there would be enough left of me to put in a coffin。
  Then another image broke through; the agonising thought my unconscious had been fighting to suppress: the toddler I had left behind; the image of him ing into our bedroom in the morning; getting into his mother’s bed to start the day with a cuddle。
  I saw him entering this room day after day; with a bed that remained empty; where he would never again feel his mother’s arms wrapped a
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