the days of my life-第51部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


en　page　or　with　some　word　spoken；　apparently　at　hazard；　by　one　of　His　servants　upon　earth；　has　removed　our　doubts；　enlightened　our　darkness　and　strengthened　our　wavering　soul？　Who　that　has　shown　us　a　way　of　escape　from　sharp　temptation？　Or；　amongst　a　thousand　other　examples；　who　that　has　borne　with　our　presumptuous　profanities　and　ingratitude　and　at　last　in　His　own　good　hour　has　set　our　erring　feet　upon　the　paths　of　peace？　Or；　to　take　one　more　example；　who　was　it　that　by　a　dream　and　a　vision　of　the　night　taught　me　that　His　humbler　creatures　are　my　kin　and　not　called　to　life　to　be　slaughtered　for　my　pleasure；　even　though　some　of　them　must　die　to　serve　my　necessities？　Yet　again；　who　twice　has　snatched　me　by　the　hair　from　the　murderer’s　spears　and　bullets；　twice　from　death　in　the　deep；　and　from　a　score　of　other　perils；　perchance　that　I　might　live　on　to　bear　this　witness；　unworthy　though　it　be？
I　have　spoken　of　this　fatherhood　as　a　fact　corroborative　in　its　nature　of　the　truth　of　the　arguments　which　I　have　so　feebly　attempted　to　advance　with　reference　to　the　immortality　of　our　souls。　For　this　reason。　Even　among　the　lowest　of　us　fatherhood　implies　love。　The　fathers　are　few　who　desire　that　even　their　erring　and　unthankful　children　should　die　and　vanish　from　their　sight　for　ever；　and　much　less　that　these　should　live　on　in　suffering　for　all　uncounted　time。　Can　we　then　for　one　instance　imagine　that　the　Architect　and　Author　of　the　universe；　the　Supreme；　the　Absolute；　He　who　was　and　is　and　shall　be；　He　whose　Holy　Name　is　Love；　the　Begetter　of　Spirits　and　of　men；　desires　that　His　children　should　be　tormented；　or　die　and　not　endure；　redeemed　and　purified；　to　adore　and　serve　Him？　Not　so！　Not　for　this　does　He　count　the　sparrows　that　fall　and　number　the　very　hairs　upon　our　heads。　In　His　cup　is　the　wine　of　life　—　if　we　will　but　drink　—　not　the　henbane　of　death　eternal。　He　is　the　God　of　the　living；　not　of　the　dead。　Did　not　the　Saviour　say　it　that　we　might　know　and　believe？
And　if　your　reasonings　are　sound；　if　what　you　say　is　true；　the　reader　may　ask；　if　the　righteous　are　redeemed　and　live　to　look　upon　the　Presence　to　all　infinities；　still　what　hope　is　there　for　you　who　are　not　righteous；　who　are　but　a　mon　flesh…stained　sinner？　As　I　shall　not　then　be　here　to　answer　I　will　strive　to　answer　now；　praying　for　grace　that　I　may　do　so　aright。　With　utter　humility；　in　true　unfeigned　abasement　of　heart　and　spirit　I　will　answer。　Was　there　not　one　Mary　Magdalene　out　of　whom　Christ　cast　seven　devils？　Was　there　not　a　woman　taken　in　adultery　whom　He　refused　to　judge？　Did　He　not　declare　that　there　is　joy　in　heaven　over　one　sinner　that　repenteth？　Did　He　not　bid　those　that　were　heavy…laden　to　e　to　Him　and　taste　of　rest？　Therefore　it　is　that　millions　such　as　I；　men　who　in　the　course　of　life　have　erred　deeply　in　some　things　and　fallen　short　in　many；　may　still　dare　to　hope。　Also　who　are　the　righteous？　Even　St。　Paul　speaks　of　the　war　within　him。　Is　it　not　written　that　there　are　no　righteous　on　this　side　of　the　grave　—　none　nearly　perfect？　They　would　not　be　human　if　they　were。　All；　even　deans　and　bishops；　or　some　of　them；　have　need　of　grace。　Surely　it　is　the　attitude　and　strivings　of　the　caged　spirit　that　will　be　considered；　not　the　shortings　of　the　gaoler　body；　the　desire　not　the　deeds；　for　if　it　prove　otherwise　who　can　escape　when　the　heart　is　weighed　in　the　balance？　To　my　mind　the　great　sin　is　not　to　seek　forgiveness　for　sins　—　not　to　try　to　avoid　them　in　the　future。　All　stumble　into　the　mire；　but　of　those　who　elect　to　wallow　there　and　of　those　who　deliberately　refuse　the　saving　hand　that　is　stretched　out　to　them；　what　can　be　said？　Well；　perhaps　they　may　be　given　other　opportunities　elsewhere。　As　a　believer　in　the　infinite　mercy　of　God　I　dare　to　trust　that　this　will　be　so。
I　desire　to　urge；　however；　upon　any　who　care　to　listen　these　three　things　which　I　myself　have　learned　in　the　course　of　years。　First；　the　enormous　importance　of　all　this　matter。　Secondly；　the　folly　of　sin。　Thirdly；　since　it　needs　must　be　that　offences　will　e；　the　urgent　need　of　repentance　before　in　some　other　life　or　lives　we　are　called　upon　to　reap　the　harvest　of　that　unrepented　folly。
What　is　life　as　we　know　it；　even　if　that　life　be　not　a　single　volume　but　a　series　of　chapters　which　will　ultimately　be　bound　into　a　pleted　book？　A　few　breaths　melting　into　the　immensity　of　this　bitter　air；　a　few　dewdrops　sparkling　on　a　single　thorn　in　the　great　dim　forest　—　no　more。　And　what　is　Eternity？　Ah！　I　cannot　answer。　Yet　I　do　believe　that　our　fate　in　the　second　depends　not　so　much　upon　our　doings；　perhaps；　as　on　our　struggles　in　the　first。　Surely；　then；　it　behoves　us　to　be　up　and　stirring　while　there　is　still　time。　For　if　we　neglect　the　opportunity　who　knows；　as　age　sweeps　on　to　endless　age；　with　what　agonies　of　grief　we　may　repent　that　which　can　no　more　be　remedied；　because　as　we　have　chosen　so　we　must　go；　as　the　tree　falls　so　must　it　lie。　Even　in　this　world　the　might…have…been　is　a　thing　terrible　to　contemplate；　what；　then；　may　it　be　in　a　world　that　will　neither　suffer　us　to　die　nor　die　itself？　To　be　cast　out　to　the　murk　while　others　serve　in　honour　within　the　glowing　gates；　to　be　told　to　chew　the　cud　of　our　unbelief　or　to　eat　of　the　husks　and　drink　of　the　sour　wine　of　our　desires　till　we　loathe　the　taste　and　stench　of　them；　while　others　—　among　them；　perchance；　our　most　adored　—　feed　on　the　manna　of　the　blest；　to　endure　the　reproaches　and　the　heaped…up　hate　of　the　panions　of　our　woe；　to　be　separated　from　those　we　loved　and　who　loved　us；　those　who　have　chosen　the　better　part　—　oh！　surely　we　need　fly　to　no　obscene　phantasies　of　mediaeval　torture　to　paint　the　picture　of　a　blacker　hell。　Even　if　mercy　finds　us　at　the　last；　as　for　my　part　I　think　it　must　and　will；　what　sufferings　must　we　first　endure！　—　for　of　this　we　may　be　certain；　that　if　in　such　conditions　we　should　cease　to　suffer；　then　we　shall　be　lost　and　draw　near　to　the　Second　Death　whence　we　can　scarcely　hope　to　rise　again。　For　the　soul；　as　for　the　body；　pain　is　a　healthy　symptom。　When　it　passes　we　are　apt　to　mortify　and　—　cease。
Now；　like　a　Scotch　preacher；　I　go　to　my　second　head：　the　folly　of　sin　whereof　even　here　the　heritage　is　of　sackcloth　and　of　ashes。　Never　was　there　a　truer　saying　than　that　the　Devil　is　the　worst　of　paymasters。　If　we　go　against　the　rules　of　the　game　as　they　are　laid　down　for　us　by　the　creed　we　serve　in　that　part　of　the　world　in　which　we　have　been　born；　even　when　those　rules　seem　not　natural　to　us；　we　err；　and　what　is　more　we　injure　others；　which　is　surely　the　essence　of　sin。　For；　as　I　have　said；　the　laws　of　Nature　differ　from　the　laws　of　God　as　these　are　revealed　to　us　（and　we　must　follow　the　higher　Light）　—　a　fact　from　which　I　am　sometimes　tempted　to　argue　that　Nature；　“red　in　tooth　and　claw；”　is　not　begotten　of　God　alone。　Surely　the　powers　called　Satan　and　Death　have　had　a　hand　in　its　makings。　Thus　Nature　says　to　Everyman　who　is　a　man：
“See　where　She　stands　with　longing　arms　and　lips　that　murmur　love。　Hark　to　what　She　says　who　would　be　the　mother　of　your　child：　‘Seek！　Seek　for　heaven　hid　in　these　dark　eyes　of　mine　and　find　all　Earth’s　desire。　Drink！　Drink　of　the　Mysteries　from　the　cup　of　this　rich　heart　of　mine　and　learn　what　Life　can　be。　Sleep！　Sleep　and　dream　of　naught　but　me　on　this　kind　breast　of　mine　which　shall　breathe　for　you　alone　until　the　Night　forgets　her　stars。’”
“Touch　not；　taste　not；　handle　not；”　answers　the　cold　stern　Law。　“Pass　on；　she　is　not　thine。”
Often　enough　it　is　Nature　that　prevails　and；　having　eaten　of　the　apple　that　She；　our　Mother；　gives　us；　we　desire　no　other　fruit。　But　always　the　end　is　the　same：　its　sweetness　turns　to　gravel　in　our　mouth。　Shame　es；　sorrow　es；　e　death　and　separations。　And；　greater　than　all　of　these；　remorse　rises　in　the　after　years　and　stands　over　us　at　night；　since；　when　our　eyes　are　no　longer　clouded　with　the　mists　of　passion；　we　see　and　bewail　our　wickedness。
For　sin　has　this　quality。　Like　some　bare；　black　peak　in　a　plain　of　flowers　it　dominates　all　our　landscape。　However　far　we　wander　never　can　we　escape　the　sight　of　it。　Our　virtues；　such　as　they　may　be；　are　dwarfed　and　lost　in　the　dark　shadows　thrown　up　by　our　towering　crime。　True　and　honest　love　of　wife　and　child；　unceasing　thought　for　others；　vicarious　sufferings　on　behalf　of　others；　often　sharp　enough　to　sadden；　whatever　kind　deeds　and　charities　may　lie　within　our　power；　the　utter　and　heartfelt　forgiveness　of　all　who　have　wronged　us；　the　struggles　that　we　made　as　the　snare　closed　round　us；　the　memories　of　those　keen　temptations　from　which　we　have　escaped　—　it　will　be　noted　that　these　are　ever　of　a　sort　to　appeal　to　whatever　sin　doth　so　easily　beset　us　—　high　friendships　well　deserved；　fair　fame　well　won；　duty　well　done；　such　are　the　flowers　upon　the　plain　we　travel。　Yet　we　forget　them；　we　do　not　even　note　them；　because　of　that　black　mount　of　evil　which　our　stained　hands　piled　and　the　icy　gloom　it　throws。　Never；　never　can　we　be　free　of　it　till　prayer　has　brought　unfeigned　repentance；　and　these；　hand　in　hand；　have　led　us　on　to　Faith；　and　Faith；　opening　her　door；　has　shown　us　the　far…off　glory　of　Forgiveness；　which　glory；　growing　ever　brighter；　falls　at　length　upon　our　heads　in　blessing　and；　when　we　turn　our　dazzled　eyes　to　seek　the　familiar　mount　of　shame　—　lo！　it　is　gone。
The　third　head；　that　of　the　necessity　of　repentance；　needs　no　elaboration。　Of　it　I　have　already　said　enough。　If　we　have　forgotten　out　Creator　in　the　days　of　our　youth　—　or　even　of　our　age　—　let　us　at　least　obey　the　cry　of　His　Messengers；　and　repent；　repent　while　there　is　yet　time。　“The　Promises　are　sure　if　only　we　will　believe”　were　the　last　words　of　my　friend；　the　aged　William　Booth　—　very　true　words。　And　of　these　promises　perhaps　the　greatest　and　the　happiest　for　man　is　that　of　full　and　free　forgiveness　to　those　who　kneel　and　from　the　heart　will　say；　“Father；　I　have　sinned。　Father；　forgive！”
But　to　do　this　we　must　have　Faith。　When　Faith　fails　there　is　nought　but　blackness　in　which　we　wander　helplessly　and　in　vain。　Even　our　Lord　（as　I　venture　to　think；　and　I　know　one　very　learned　bishop　who　agrees　with　me）　as　a　man　perhaps　walked　the　world　more　by　Faith　than　by　knowledge。　It　may　be　that　this　was　the　heaviest　of　His　temptations　—　the　temptation　to　admit　some　creeping　doubt　into　His　own　mission　and　Divinity。　If　so　we　can　well　understand　the　full　magnificence　of　His　sacrifice　and　the　glory　of　His　triumph。　Once；　indeed；　in　the　moment　of　agony　and　mortal　weakness　that　Doubt　seems　to　have　conquered　Him：　I　mean　in　the　cry　upon　the　Cross；　“My　God！　My　God！　Why　hast　Thou　forsaken　Me？”
If　this　be　so　let　us　take　fort；　since　where　He　seems　to　have　failed；　how　can　we；　His　poor　servants；　always　expect　to　succeed？　“Lord；　I　believe；　help　Thou　my　unbelief！”　Such　should　be　our　daily　petition；　which　will　not　go　unheeded。
The　shores　of　India　draw　near；　and　I　have　finished　the　sermon　which　something　has　prompted　me　to　write；　whereof　I　will　say　that；　however　much　it　may　be　mocked　at；　I　hope　at　least　it　can　do　no　harm　in　the　after　years。　It　is　the　only　one　I　ever　posed　or　shall　pose；　and　brief；　bare　as　it　is；　it　has　taken　me　half　a　lifetime　to　think　out　its　underlying　principles。　（How　do　clergymen　succeed　in　evolving　one　or　two　on　every　Sunday　of　their　active　lives；　I　wonder！）
What　is　the　sum　of　it　all？　This。　That　my　spiritual　experience　leads　me　to　take　a　higher　view　of　man　than　that　which　declares　him　to　be　but　a　physical　accident。　That；　through　all　the　winds　and　weeping　of　this　rough　world；　I　hear　the　whisper　of　the　still；　small　voice　of　God　directing　us　from　on　high。　That；　by　the　gift　of　His　Christ　（and　mayhap　in　many　another　way）；　He　has　provided　a　means　of　Redemption　for　every　soul　that　breathes　in　flesh。　That；　however　often　they　may　fail　or　stumble；　He　will　love　and　save　those　who　try　to　love　and　obey　Him　as　they　understand　Him。　That　those　who　reject　Him　must　themselves　run　a　risk　of　rejection　and　of　darkness；　since；　if　we　choose　Death；　Death　will　be　given　to　us。　Whatever　good　thing　we　desire　we　may　have；　but　to　have　we　must　desire。　That　He　will　forgive　all；　whatever　be　their　sins；　who　strive　to　believe　and　yearn　to　be　forgiven。　That　He；　or　His　Messengers；　will　fort　us　in　our　dark；　ultimate　hour　of　mortal　agony　（may　it　prove　short　and　sudden！）　and　awful　death　sleep；　and　be　with　us　in　the　light　of　the　last　Awakening。　That　He　will　lead　us　to　our　lost　ones；　who　are　dearer　to　us　than　life；　in　the　home　He　has　prepared　for　us　and　those　who　wish　to　dwell　there　in　our　pany　and；　from　Eternity　to　Eternity；　in　some　place　where　sin　and　Satan　do　not　e；　will　wipe　all　tears　from　off　our　faces。　That　in　due　season　He　will　gather　to　us　those　other　dear　ones　whom　we　have　loved　upon　the　earth　and　who　do　not　forget　us　although　we　have　been　borne　away。　That；　if　it　pleases　Him　to　touch　us　with　His　Fire　on　the　lips　and　give　us　back　our　whitened　spirits；　filled　with　the　fulness　of　individual　life；　at　His　unending　tasks　and　service　in　other　Worlds　or　Heavens　we　shall　grow　ever　brighter　and　more　glorious　until；　spheres　and　aeons　hence；　after　this　earth　where　we　have　no　abiding　city　has　bee　to　us　but　a　troubled　dream；　though　we　be　still　very　far　away；　at　length　we　approach　to　the　Divinity　of　Christ’s　own　perfect　nature。　That　all　Love　is　immortal。　It　is　God’s　light　permeating　the　universe；　and　therefore　incapable　of　diminution　or　decay。　That　Christianity　is　true；　although　I　do　not　understand　and　have　no　right　as　yet　to　expect　to　understand　the　origin　of　its　mysteries　or　the　reason　of　the　necessity　for　its　great　Sacrifice。　Its　fruits　upon　earth　alone　suffice　to　show　that　it　is　true；　since　by　the　fruit　it　bears　must　every　tree　be　judged。　That　the　heart　of　Faith　is　Christ；　and　that　to　His　Cross　I　cling。
Such　are　the　conclusions　—　old　conclusions；　but　none　the　worse　for　that；　since　each　soul　must　find　them　for　itself　—　reached　during　the　lifetime　of　a　storm…driven；　wayward　man　with　too　much　heart；　perhaps；　for　happiness　here　below；　who　yet；　he　trusts；　is　not　altogether　bad。　For　if　he　be　bad　why；　from　his　mother　on；　should　so　many　of　his　panions　in　this　winter　pilgrimage　have　been　moved　to　love　him　well　—　as　he　prays　that；　notwithstanding　all　his　errors；　God　does　also　and　will　do　for　aye！　Amen。
Chapter　24　APPENDIX
＇The　following　speech　was　delivered　to　the　Canadian　Club；　in　the　Russell　House；　Ottawa；　in　March　1905；　when　Sir　Rider　Haggard　（at　that　time　Mr。　H。　Rider　Haggard）　was　in　Canada　as　missioner　appointed　by　the　Colonial　Office。　His　instructions　were　to　visit　and　report　on　Labour　Colonies　established　in　the　U。S。A。　by　the　Salvation　Army。　After　inspecting　them　he　was　to　proceed　to　Ottawa　and　discuss　the　subject　with　Earl　Grey；　then　Governor…General　of　Canada。
Sir　Rider　wished　this　speech　to　be　inserted　as　an　appendix　to　“The　Days　of　My　Life；”　as　it　gives　the　essence　of　his　views　on　the　subject　of　the　settlement　of　the　surplus　town　population　of　Great　Britain　on　the　unoccupied　land　of　the　empire；　a　subject　to　which　he　devoted　so　much　time　and　energy。
mander　Booth　Tucker；　of　the　Salvation　Army；　was　with　Sir　Rider　on　this　occasion；　and　also　spoke。　There　was　a　record　attendance　of　members　of　the　Canadian　Club；　Mr。　W。　L。　Mackenzie　King　（Prime　Minister　of　the　Dominion　in　June　1926）　being　in　the　Chair。　—　Ed。＇
I　will　begin　by　making　a　confession。　The　other　day　I　had　the　honour　of　addressing　the　branch　of　your　society　in　Toronto；　and　there；　for　one　solid　half…hour；　did　I　inflict　myself　upon　them。　I　began　to　wonder　how　much　they　would　stand。　Well；　I　sat　down　and　thought　they　must　bless　me　for　doing　so。　The　next　day　I　saw　some　of　the　newspapers；　including　one　which　stated　that　your　humble　servant　had　made　what　they　were　pleased　to　call　a　very　interesting　but　exceedingly　brief　address。　I　thought　to　myself：　If　this　is　called　brief　in　Toronto；　I　wonder　what　is　long。　I　took　a　few　opinions　on　the　point。　I　asked　why　they　called　a　speech　of　that　length　a　brief　one。　My　friend’s　answer　was　that　it　had　to　do　with　your　parliamentary　institutions。　He　told　me　that　it　on　in　your　House　of　mons　throughout　the　country；　for　speeches　to　run　from　two　to　three　hours；　and　therefore　that　is　the　standard　and　model　of　time　by　which　addresses　are　judged。
Now；　gentleman；　I　say　to　you　at　once　that；　high　as　might　be　that　honour　and　greatly　as　I　should　desire　it　in　any　other　circumstances；　I　feel　that　I　should　never　be　petent　to　be　a　member　of　a　House　of　mons　of　which　this　is　true。　Gentlemen；　your　president　has　made　some　very　kind　allusions　to　me　and　to　my　rather　—　what　shall　I　call　it？　—　varied　career。　He　has　spoken；　for　instance；　of　Africa。　Well；　gentlemen；　it　is　true　I　began　my　life　as　a　public　servant　in　Africa；　and　many　wonderful　things　I　saw　there。
I　was　in　at　the　beginning；　so　to　speak；　of　all　the　history　we　are　living　through　today。　I　was　with　Sir　Theophilus　Shepstone　when　we　annexed　the　Transvaal；　as　your　president　says；　I　had　the　honour　of　hoisting　the　flag　of　England　over　it。　Gentlemen；　I　lived；　too；　to　see　the　flag　pulled　down　and　buried。　And　I　tell　you　this　—　and　you；　as　colonists　as　I　was；　will　sympathise　with　me　—　it　was　the　bitterest　hour　of　my　life。　Never　can　any　of　you　in　this　room　realise　the　scene　I　witnessed　upon　the　market…square　of　Newcastle　when　the　news　of　the　surrender　of　Majuba　reached　us。　It　was　a　strange　scene；　it　was　an　awful　scene。　There　was　a　mob　of　about　5；000　men；　many　of　them　loyal　Boers；　many　Englishmen；　soldiers　even；　who　had　broken　from　the　ranks　—　and　they　marched　up　and　down　raving；　yet　weeping　like　children　—　and　swearing　that　whatever　they　were　they　were　no　longer　Englishmen。
That　is　what　I　went　through　in　those　days；　and　I　only　mention　it　to　tell　you　how　I　came　to　leave　South　Africa。　For　I　agreed　that　it　was　no　longer　a　place　for　an　Englishman。　Still；　time　goes　on；　the　wheels　swing　full　circle；　things　change。　I　remember　that　after　that　I　wrote　a　book。　It　was　a　history。　And　in　that　book　I　went　so　far　as　to　say　—　I　remember　it　well；　and　there　it　stands　in　black　and　white　to　be　read　—　that　unless　some　change　occurred；　unless　more　wisdom；　more　patriotism　and　a　different　system　altogether　prevailed　in　African　affairs；　the　result　would　be　a　war　which　would　tax　the　entire　resources　of　the　British　Empire。　Gentlemen；　have　we　not　had　that　war？　And　at　that　time　what　did　they　say？　They　laughed　at　me；　an　unknown　young　man。　And；　years　later；　when　the　war　was　on；　they　dug　up　the　book　and　printed　these　paragraphs　and　said；　“Dear　me；　what　a　remarkable　prophecy！”　Three　men　were　right：　Sir　Bartle　Frere　was　right；　and　they　disgraced　him；　my　old　chief；　Sir　Theophilus　Shepstone；　was　right；　and　they　disgraced　him；　and　even　I；　humble　as　I　was；　was　right；　and　they　mocked　at　me。　We　know　the　end。
Thus　my　residential　and　official　connection　with　South　Africa　came　to　an　end　—　I　would　not　stop　there　any　longer。　I　came　home　and　went　to　the　bar；　where　I　had　fair　prospects。　And　then　a　sad　thing　happened　to　me　—　I　wrote　a　successful　book。
I　do　not　know　whether　to　be　sorry　or　glad　that　I　wrote　it。　Other　things　might　not　have　happened；　and；　after　all；　as　Job　the　Patriarch　says：　“Man　knoweth　not　his　own　way。”　You　go　as　destiny　drives　you。　So　it　was；　gentlemen；　I　took　to　fiction。　Having　begun；　I　had　to　go　on。　And；　after　all；　there　is　something　to　be　said　for　it。　After　all；　it　is　not　a　bad　thing　to　have　given　pleasure　and　amusement　to　many　who　are　weary　or　sick；　and；　perhaps；　some　instruction　also。　You　mi