the days of my life-第10部分

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　and　others　in　a　way　they　could　not　misunderstand；　with　the　result　that　two　lads　were　produced。
These　lads　were　named　Sekouili　and　Nojoiani；　or　some　such　words；　appellations　which　we　corrupted　into　“Scowl”　and　“No…joke。”　Under　their　guidance　we　started。　I　may　add　here　that　when　we　had　crossed　the　mountains；　for　some　reason　which　we　could　not　at　the　time　understand；　these　Basuto　boys　expressed　themselves　as　afraid　to　return　to　Secocoeni’s　country；　saying　that　if　they　did　so　they　would　be　killed。　One　or　both　of　them　remained　in　my　service　for　a　long　time　afterwards；　as　they　implored　to　be　taken　on　with　us。
By　the　time　we　had　reached　the　crest　of　the　first　range　the　sun　had　set　and　the　moon　was　up。　Here　the　path　forked；　one　division　of　it；　that　by　which　we　had　e；　running　on　over　the　mountains；　the　other　following　the　line　of　a　deep　valley　at　a　lower　level。　A　discussion　arose　between　us　as　to　which　we　should　take；　my　elders　were　in　favour　of　the　upper；　preferring　those　ills　we　knew　of；　which　the　two　boys；　Scowl　and　No…joke；　begged　and　prayed　us　not　to　leave；　almost　with　passion。　I　have　little　doubt　that　this　was　because　the　ambush　into　which　they　were　directed　to　lead　us　was　set　upon　that　upper　path。　I；　however；　pleaded　for　the　lower　path；　just　because　the　fancy　had　taken　me　that　thence　the　view　of　the　moonlit　valley　would　be　very　grand；　and　stuck　to　my　point。　At　length　one　of　my　panions；　I　think　it　was　Osborn；　said　with　a　laugh；　“Oh！　let　the　young　donkey　have　his　way。　Who　knows；　perhaps　he　is　right！”　or　words　to　that　effect。
Evidently　my　anticipations　as　to　the　view　from　this　lower　path　were　not　disappointed；　for　in　my　notes　written　up　on　the　next　day　I　find　the　following：
“It　was　sombre；　weird；　grand。　Every　valley　became　a　mysterious　deep；　and　every　hill　and　stone　and　tree　shone　with　that　cold；　pale　lustre　that　the　moon　alone　can　throw。　Silence　reigned；　the　silence　of　the　dead。”
Had　we　gone　by　the　upper　path　I　believe　it　would　soon　have　been　the　silence　of　the　dead　for　us。　But　if　so　my　fancies；　or　some　merciful　influence　that　caused　and　directed　them；　proved　our　salvation。
After　we　had　ridden　a　long　way　through　the　silence　that　I　have　described　and　were　getting　out　of　the　mountains　into　the　valley；　we　became　aware　of　a　great　motion　going　on　amongst　the　rocks　a　mile　or　so　to　our　left；　where　ran　the　road　we　should　have　followed。　War…horns　were　blown；　and　a　Basuto　warrior　armed　with　gun　and　spear　rushed　down　to　look　at　us；　then　vanished。　Probably　a　match　struck　to　light　a　pipe　had　shown　him　our　whereabouts；　or　he　may　have　heard　our　voices。　So　we　crossed　the　mountains　in　safety。　And　now　I　will　take　up　Deventer’s　story。
He　said　that　it　was　the　accident　of　our　choosing　the　lower　path　that　in　fact　saved　our　lives；　as　on　the　upper　one　the　murderers　were　waiting。　When　we　emerged　from　it　the　Boer　mission　and　Mr。　A。　had；　he　added；　crossed　the　great　valley　and　reached　the　further　range　of　hills；　where　they　were　met　by　some　troopers　from　the　fort。　Here；　by　the　blowing　of　the　horns　that　we　had　heard；　or　otherwise　—　for　these　natives　have　very　strange　and　effective　means　of　munication　—　knowledge　came　to　Mr。　A。　that　in　some　unexpected　fashion　we　had　escaped　the　ambush　and　were　riding　towards　him　across　the　valley。　Thereon；　said　Deventer；　he　lost　all　control　of　himself　and　called　for　volunteers　to　shoot　us　down　in　the　second　nek。　Then；　according　to　him；　Holtzhausen　—　who；　by　the　way；　was　one　of　the　best　fellows　I　ever　knew；　a　very　honest　and　straightforward　man；　and　who；　like　Mr。　Van　Gorkom；　had　no　suspicion　of　any　of　these　things　—　intervened　with　great　effect；　shouting　out　that　if　this　wicked　deed　were　done　he　“would　publish　it　in　every　Court　of　Europe。”
After　this　declaration　no　volunteers　came　forward：　indeed　they　might　have　refused　to　do　so　in　any　case；　with　the　result　that　about　dawn　on　the　following　day　we　arrived　utterly　worn　out　at　Fort　Weber　—　I　remember　that　several　times　I　fell　asleep　on　my　horse　—　where　we　were　received　quite　affectionately　by　Mr。　A。
When　Deventer　revealed　all　this　appalling　story　some　months　later；　he　asked　and　received　a　promise　that　no　public　use　should　be　made　of　the　information；　since　when　it　came　to　his　knowledge　he　was　in　the　service　of　the　Boer　Government；　and　therefore　did　not　consider　himself　justified　in　disclosing　secrets　to　the　prejudice　of　another　servant　of　that　Government。　This　wish　of　his　was　strictly　respected；　but；　as　may　be　imagined；　the　English　authorities　after　the　Annexation；　although　they　could　make　no　use　of　their　knowledge；　were　not　willing　to　accede　to　Mr。　A。‘s　applications　for　employment　under　the　new　regime。　A　while　later　he　came　to　the　house　at　Pretoria　in　which　I　was　then　living　with　Osborn；　who　was　the　Secretary　to　the　Government；　which　house；　I　think；　was　called　“The　Oaks。”　Mr。　Osborn　received　him；　and　I；　who　was　writing　in　an　adjoining　room　separated　from　them　only　by　some　very　thin　partition；　heard　words　running　high　between　them。　He　（A。）　was　blustering　and　demanding　to　be　employed　as　a　right。　In　the　end　he　asked　why　he　should　be　left　out　when　so　many　other　Boer　officials　had　received　appointments。　Thereon　Osborn　answered　with　great　rigour；　“Damn　it！　Mr。　A。　—　you　know　why。”
The　man　attempted　no　answer；　and　a　moment　later　I　saw　him　walk　out　of　the　house　with　a　very　crestfallen　air；　after　which　I　think　Osborn　came　into　my　room　and　expressed　his　feelings　on　the　whole　subject　with　the　utmost　freedom。
That　is　the　story；　of　which　the　reader；　if　there　ever　should　be　such　a　person；　can　form　his　own　opinion。　Of　course　it　rests　upon　Deventer’s　word　supported　only　by　certain　corroborative　evidence　of　a　circumstantial　sort；　such　as　the　sudden　departure　of　the　Boer　mission；　leaving　us　alone　in　Secocoeni’s　Town　without　guides；　the　behaviour　of　the　two　Basuto　lads；　and　of　the　individual　inculpated　on　the　occasion　that　I　have　just　mentioned。　Deventer　may　have　lied；　but　I　see　no　reason　why　he　should　have　done　so；　and　it　was　not　in　keeping　with　his　character；　nor　did　any　of　us　at　the　time　find　cause　to　doubt　the　truth　of　his　statement。　On　the　other　hand　our　disappearance　from　this　mortal　sphere　might　have　been　convenient　to　Mr。　A。；　who　knew　that　when　we　saw　Secocoeni　we　should　discover　that　the　alleged　treaty　with　that　chief　which　he　had　negotiated　had　been　forged　as　regards　its　most　important　clause。　If　we　were　all　dead　we　could　not　municate　our　knowledge　to　the　Special　missioner；　Sir　Theophilus　Shepstone；　and　through　him　to　the　British　Government；　in　which　event　his　credit　would　have　been　saved　and　the　South　African　Republic；　which　he　served；　would　have　been　freed　from　a　great　embarrassment。　It　is　not　probable　that　any　more　will　ever　be　known　of　this　matter；　which；　so　to　speak；　now　rests　between　Mr。　A。　—　whose　name　I　refrain　from　mentioning　—　and　God。　Of　the　Englishmen　concerned　I　alone　survive；　and　if　any　of　the　others　still　live　they　must　be　very　old　men。
At　Fort　Weber　I　think　we　separated　from　the　Boer　mission；　also　that　Clarke　left　us　to　attend　to　business　elsewhere。　Osborn　and　I　trekked　day　and　night　in　an　ox…waggon　to　Middelburg　—　trekked　till　the　oxen　fell　down　in　the　yokes。　It　was　a　fearful　and　a　sleepless　journey。　At　some　period　in　it　we　were　left　quite　without　food。　Only　a　single　pot　of　jam　remained。　We　opened　the　tin　and　helped　ourselves　to　the　jam　with　our　knives；　sitting　one　on　either　side　of　it　in　the　vasty　veld；　till　we　could　eat　no　more　of　the　sickly　stuff；　hungry　though　we　were。
While　we　were　thus　engaged　an　eagle　sailed　over　us　with　a　koran　or　small　bustard　in　its　claws。　I　shouted　and　it　dropped　the　koran；　which；　thinking　that　it　would　serve　for　supper；　I　secured　and　tied　to　my　saddle；　unfortunately　by　its　head；　not　by　its　feet。　We　rode　on　and　I　noticed　that　the　eagle　and　its　mate　followed　us。　In　the　end　the　jerking　of　the　horse　separated　the　koran’s　head　from　its　body；　so　that　the　bird　fell　to　the　ground。　In　a　moment　the　eagle　had　it　again　and　sailed　away　in　triumph。
By　the　way；　I　still　possess　that　knife　with　which　I　ate　the　jam。　It　was　given　to　me　by　my　brother　Andrew　when　I　was　about　twelve　and；　except　for　a　month　or　two　when　it　was　lost　upon　the　veld；　from　that　day　to　this　it　has　been　in　my　pocket。　It　is　wonderful　that　an　article　in　daily　use　should　have　lasted　so　long；　but　I　hope　that　it　may　remain　to　the　end　of　the　chapter。
Chapter　5　THE　ANNEXATION
Doubtful　attitude　of　Boers　towards　Mission　—　H。　R。　H。　attends　debates　in　Volksraad　—　Paul　Kruger　—　H。　R。　H。‘s　projected　journey　home　—　Which　was　given　up　—　Transvaal　annexed　—　H。　R。　H。　delivers　copies　of　Proclamation　and　hoists　British　flag　with　Colonel　Brooke。
Life　at　Pretoria　was　very　gay　during　this　Annexation　period。　We　gave　a　ball；　followed　on　the　next　evening　by　a　children’s　party；　the　President　entertained　us　to　lunch。　The　English　in　the　town　gave　us　a　great　dinner　in　the　Volksraad　Zaal　at　which　“God　save　the　Queen”　was　sung　with　enthusiasm；　and　there　were　many　other　entertainments。
But　underneath　all　these　festivities　grave　issues　were　maturing。　Shortly　after　our　arrival　four　hundred　and　fifty　Boers　rode　into　the　town　with　the　object　of　putting　us　back　over　the　border。　They　were　unarmed；　but　we　discovered　that　they　had　left　their　rifles　hidden　in　waggons　not　far　away　and　guarded　by　a　hundred　and　fifty　men。　If　they　really　had　any　such　intention；　however；　it　evaporated　after　they　had　proceeded　to　the　Government　offices　to　ask　what　the　English　were　doing　in　Pretoria　and　hoisted　their　flag　in　the　Market　Square。　Then　they　talked　a　while　and　went　away。　One　man；　I　remember；　either　on　this　or　another　occasion　came　and　stood　before　the　English　flag　which　marked　our　camp；　and　shouted；　“O　Father；　O　Grandfather；　O　Great…grandfather；　rise　from　the　dead　and　drive　away　those　red…handed　wretches　who　have　e　to　take　our　land　from　us；　the　land　which　we　took　from　the　Swartzels　（black　creatures）！”
Then　he　made　a　somewhat　feeble　rush　for　the　said　flag；　but　was　collared　by　his　friends　and　taken　off；　still　apostrophising　his　ancestors。　It　all　sounds　very　mock…heroic　and　absurd；　and　yet　I　repeat　that　there　was　much　to　justify　this　attitude　of　the　Boers。　After　all　they　had　taken　the　land　and　lived　there　nearly　forty　years；　and　the　British　Government　had　more　or　less　guaranteed　their　independence。　Of　course　circumstances　alter　cases；　and；　as　they　could　not　govern　themselves　and　were　about　to　plunge　South　Africa　into　a　bloody　war；　our　intervention　was　necessary；　but　this　the　more　ignorant　of　them　could　scarcely　be　expected　to　understand；　at　any　rate　at　first。
Many　threats　were　uttered　against　us。　Says　Sir　Theophilus　Shepstone　in　one　of　his　despatches　of　that　day　to　Lord　Carnarvon：　“Every　effort　had　been　made　during　the　previous　fortnight　by；　it　is　said；　educated　Hollanders　who　had　but　lately　arrived　in　the　country；　to　rouse　the　fanaticism　of　the　Boers　and　to　induce　them　to　offer　‘bloody’　resistance　to　what　it　was　known　I　intended　to　do。　The　Boers　were　appealed　to　in　the　most　inflammatory　language　by　printed　manifestos　and　memorials　。　。　。　it　was　urged　that　I　had　but　a　small　escort　which　could　easily　be　overpowered。”
Indeed　there　is　no　doubt　that　at　times　during　these　months　we　went　in　considerable　risk。　I　will　not　set　down　all　the　stories　that　came　to　our　ears；　of　how　we　were　to　be　waylaid　and　shot　on　this　occasion　or　on　that；　but　an　incident　that　I　remember　shows　me　that　Shepstone　at　any　rate　thought　there　was　something　in　them。　One　night　I　and　another　member　of　the　staff　—　I　think　it　was　Mor　—　were　at　work　late；　copying　despatches　in　a　room　of　the　building　which　afterwards　became　Government　House。　This　room　had　large　windows　opening　on　to　a　verandah；　and　over　these　we　had　not　drawn　the　curtains。　Sir　Theophilus　came　in　and　scolded　us；　saying　that　we　ought　to　remember　that　we　made　a　very　easy　target　against　that　lighted　background。　Then　he　drew　the　curtains　with　his　own　hand。
The　Volksraad　met　and　discussed　all　kinds　of　matters；　but　nothing　came　of　their　labours；　except　the　appointment　of　a　mission　to　examine　into　the　state　of　the　country　and　confer　with　H。M。‘s　Special　missioner。　I　attended　some　of　their　debates　and　remember　the　scene　well。　They　were　held　in　a　long；　low　room　down　the　centre　of　which　stood　a　deal　table。　Round　this　table　sat　some　thirty　members；　most　of　them　Boers。　At　the　head　of　the　room　sat　the　Chairman　at　a　little　raised　desk；　by　the　side　of　which　stood　a　chair　for　the　use　of　the　President　of　the　State　when　he　visited　the　Volksraad。　Among　the　members　was　Paul　Kruger；　then　a　middle…aged　man　with　a　stern；　thick　face　and　a　squat　figure。　At　one　of　these　sittings　I　obtained　his　autograph；　a　curious　piece　of　calligraphy　which　I　am　sorry　to　say　I　have　lost。　We　saw　a　good　deal　of　“Oom　Paul”　in　those　days；　for　on　several　occasions　he　visited　the　Special　missioner。　Generally　I　showed　him　in　and　out；　and　I　recollect　that　the　man　impressed　me　more　than　did　any　of　the　other　Boers。
In　after　days　I　knew　that　Volksraad　Zaal　well　enough；　for　when　I　became　Master　and　Registrar　of　the　High　Court　I　used　to　sit　in　it　just　beneath　the　judge。
Doubtless　I　wrote　a　good　many　letters　home　at　this　time；　but　I　imagine　that　they　were　destroyed　either　on　receipt　or　perhaps　after　my　mother’s　death。　Four　or　five　of　them；　however；　my　father　preserved；　apparently　because　they　refer　to　money　matters。　A　little　while　ago　my　brother　William8　found　them　when　rummaging　through　papers　at　Bradenham；　and　kindly　sent　them　to　me。　I　have　just　re…read　them　for　the　first　time；　and；　as　a　full　generation　has　gone　by　since　they　were　written；　I　find　the　experience　strange　and　in　a　sense　sad。　The　intervening　years　seem　to　fall　away；　the　past　arises　real　and　vivid；　and　I　see　myself　a　slim；　quick…faced　young　fellow　seated　in　that　room　at　Pretoria　inditing　these　epistles　which　I　had　so　long　forgotten。　They　are　written　in　a　much　better　hand　than　I　can　boast　today；　every　word　being　clear　and　every　letter　well　formed；　which　doubtless　was　a　result　of　my　despatch　e　extracts。
8　Sir　Rider’s　eldest　brother；　the　late　Sir　W。　H。　D。　Haggard；　K。C。M。G。；　at　that　time　Minister　at　Rio。　—　Ed。
Pretoria；　S。A。R。：　March　13；　1877。
My　dear　Father；　—　Since　my　last　letter　matters　have　been　rapidly　advancing　and　drawing　to　a　close。　The　Raad；　after　making　a　last　move　at　once　futile　and　foolish；　has　prorogued　itself　and　left　matters　to　take　their　course。　Things　are　also　looking　much　more　peaceable；　and　I　do　not　think　that　there　will　be　any　armed　resistance。　At　one　time　an　outbreak　seemed　imminent；　in　which　case　we　should　have　run　a　very　fair　chance　of　being　potted　on　our　own　stoep。　。　。　。　I　spoke　a　day　or　two　ago　to　the　Chief　as　to　my　taking　home　the　despatches；　and　he　told　me　that　he　could　not　send　me　as　the　bearer　of　the　despatches；　1st：　because　it　was　no　longer　done　except　through　foreign　territories；　2nd：　because　I　might　be　delayed　on　the　road　by　sickness　or　accidents；　and　that　in　performing　a　long　journey　of　the　sort　a　mail…bag　had　a　better　chance　of　getting　safely　and　swiftly　to　its　destination　than　a　messenger。　“But；”　he　said；　“I　will　send　you　with　the　despatches　and　with　credentials　to　the　Colonial　authorities；　empowering　you　to　give　such　information　as　my　despatches　do　not　and　cannot　contain；　which　is　a　great　deal”　（Sir　T。　is　not　a　voluminous　writer）；　“and　in　this　way　you　will　be　a　living　despatch。”
This　is　perhaps　not　quite　so　good　as　taking　the　actual　letters；　since　I　shall　not　get　my　expenses；　but　as　far　as　regards　other　things　it　will　answer　my　purpose　equally　well。　It　will　be　something　to　my　name　in　case　I　wish　or　am　obliged　at　any　future　time　to　avail　myself　of　it。　Besides　it　is　indirectly　a　great　pliment　to　myself。　Any　young　fellow　can　carry　despatches；　but　it　is　not　for　everybody　of　my　age　and　short　experience　who　would　be　trusted　to　give　private　information　on　so　important　a　subject　as　the　unexpected　annexation　of　a　splendid　territory　as　large　as　Great　Britain；　information　which　may　very　probably　be　made　use　of　in　Parliament。　Since　I　have　been　here　I　have　done　my　best　to　study　the　question　and　to　keep　myself　informed　as　to　every　detail；　and　I　get　my　reward　in　this　manner　。　。　。　。
I　think　that　I　shall　e　home　via　the　Cape。　It　will　be　a　stiff　journey；　1200　miles　in　a　post…cart；　but　it　will　be　a　thing　to　have　done；　and　I　want　if　possible　to　get　to　London　at　the　same　time　as　despatches　announcing　the　Annexation。　When　the　Proclamation　will　go　I　cannot　say；　but　I　think　it　will　be　in　the　course　of　the　next　fortnight。　We　received　news　to…night　that　the　troops　and　guns　are　on　the　way　to　Newcastle。　I　shall　start　by　mail　following　the　issue　of　the　Proclamation。
We　are　going　on　as　usual　here　working　in　the　dark　（we　are　beginning　to　emerge　now）　and　waiting　the　result。　It　has　been　an　anxious　business；　but　I　think　that　we　are　all　right　now。
I　had　rather　that　my　letters　were　not　shown；　as　we　do　not　quite　know　what　line　the　Home　Government　is　going　to　take；　and　I　have　spoken　pretty　plainly。　＇All　these　letters　to　which　I　refer　here　are　missing。　—　H。　R。　H。＇
It　was　after　my　return　from　Secocoeni’s　and；　I　think；　within　a　day　or　two　of　the　Proclamation　being　issued；　that　I　received　that　harsh　epistle　from　my　father　of　which　I　have　written　earlier　in　this　book；　that；　as　I　have　said；　caused　me　at　the　last　moment　not　to　start　for　England。　It　was　a　very　foolish　act　on　my　part；　as　the　reader　who　studies　the　facts　will　see。　I　should　have　remembered　that　when　he　wrote　his　letter　my　father　could　not　have　known　that　I　was　ing　home　in　this　important　position；　namely　to　give　viva…voce　information　to　Lord　Carnarvon　as　to　all　the　circumstances　connected　with　the　Annexation。　Nor；　although　I　have　little　doubt　that　my　mother　and　my　sister　Mary；　now　Baroness　A。　d’Ahan；　were　privy　to　the　secret　and　private　reasons　for　my　journey；　to　which　I　have　also　already　alluded；　was　he　perhaps　aware　of　them。　However；　so　I　acted　in　my　hurt　pride　and　anger；　and　there　the　thing　remains。　I　may　say　in　excuse　of　this　want　of　judgment　that　I　was　very　young；　only　twenty；　and　that　I　had　to　make　up　my　mind　on　the　spot　while；　as　the　Zulus　say；　“my　heart　was　cut　in　two。”
Moreover　I　repeat　my　belief　that　the　finger　of　Fate　was　at　work　in　the　matter；　how　and　why　perhaps　we　should　have　to　go　back；　or　forward；　ages　or　aeons　to　explain。　Years　ago　I　came　to　the　conclusion　that　our　individual　lives　and　the　accidents　which　influence　them　are　not　the　petty　things　they　seem　to　be；　but　rather　a　part　of　some　great　scheme　whereof　we　know　neither　the　beginning　nor　the　end。　The　threads　of　our　destinies；　in　black　or　in　scarlet　or　in　sombre　grey；　appear　and　disappear　before　our　mortal　eyes；　but　who　can　figure　out　the　tapestry　that　they　help　to　weave？　That　picture　lies　beyond　our　ken　or　even　our　imagining。
The　insect　sees　more　than　the　worm；　the　snake　more　than　the　insect；　the　dog　more　than　the　snake；　and　the　man；　erect　in　his　pride；　more　than　all　of　them。　But　how　much　does　the　man　see　of　the　whole　great　universe；　or　even　of　this　little　earth？
To　the　best　of　my　belief　I　answered　my　father’s　letter；　which　I　think　I　destroyed　upon　the　spot；　very　briefly；　saying　that　I　had　abandoned　my　idea　of　ing　home。　Apparently　this　letter　was　not　preserved。　One　remains；　however；　which　appears　to　allude　to　the　subject；　and　from　it　I　quote　some　extracts。
Government　House；
Pretoria；　Transvaal：　June　1；　1877。
My　dear　Father；　—　I　have　to　acknowledge　your　two　letters　dated　respectively　27th　March　and　the　4th　April。　I　do　not　think　that　it　will　be　of　a